The road trip is consuming my thoughts. I'm so excited yet I'm equally worried about the weather. How will we best pack up the car? Have I finished that packing list yet? etc. etc.
Meanwhile, work continues at a frantic pace - surprisingly, I actually remembered to pack up all my files and books this evening. It's my second to last day in that office and while part of me will miss those colleagues, I'm thrilled to leave that commute behind.
On the ride home, I reminded myself to get the car cleaned. The thought of going on a road trip with a dirty car irritates me, which I realize is slightly crazy.
Then, I remembered to breath and get a freakin' grip. What's the point of all the excitement if you can't actually sit back and enjoy it? Zane was on his way to visit with his Grandmother and I decided this would be the perfect evening to have a girls night with Anna. She was the ideal date for a few errands and some much dreaded Christmas shopping.
It occurred to me after a few hours of chatting in the car, catching up on her day over dinner, giving her the update on her new school and teachers - particularly the bit about my joining her for 3 half days in her new class to help with transition - that she is really coming into her own and free from the neurotic genes I was convinced I'd passed on. She uses words like, "suggest," "actually" and phrases like "I thought about it and.." "have you considered"...I found myself very easily and quite happily conversing with a lovely and hilarious little girl. I felt totally at peace - that is, until I lost it cracking up when after asking her what she did for lunch, she said, "I don't want to get Lolo in trouble but....he brought me to Wendy's again. Sorry Mom. But he really just doesn't know how to cook!" Comedy.
We ate a light sushi dinner together before braving the stores and getting our Christmas shopping done. For the first time ever, I actually enjoyed it.
I'm not a particularly sentimental person but in the last days of our time in this little midwest town that I spent a good chunk of my life in, I can't help but think about how I've come full circle with this place. All my years as an immigrant kid growing up here, I never really felt like I quite fit in. And I never really felt like I perfectly fit in back in the Philippines either. And frankly, when I was young, it was a bit of a struggle - this is probably cliche but there's a reason why I chose the title of this post. Cut me some slack.
Today, I was grateful for what my time here has given me: a place for my daughter to spend the first 5 years of her life. In particularly, it's given her a chance to get to know her family, and have some grounding in her roots - her mother is, after all, a transplant from Manila, to Michigan, to now, San Francisco. I guess she's just carrying on the tradition - I'm just happy my experiences are giving me the insight to help guide her through it.
3 more days 'till departure.
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